It has taken time to let go of the symbols of care from the days following my April 15, 2015 accident. About a month ago I finally deposited my brace into recycling – the brace from which I was set free on July 17th. I’m not too sure why I kept it hanging around so long. Maybe a symbol of my survival of the accident? Maybe fear that I might need it again? Certainly that would be irrational, given that I’d need to be refitted if I were to create another situation where I needed it. Maybe a symbol of the care I received? Maybe a sign that I was ready to move past identifying myself as an accident survivor? Maybe something else I can’t recognize because I’m too close to the situation?
So now, about the walker. When I came home from rehab at the beginning of June to continue my recovery I had a walker on each of the three levels of my townhome. There were only a few days that I needed them to get around, but it was a long time before I folded up two of them – one to return to the church from which it had been borrowed, and the other to contribute to “His House” charity. The third one has remained in my master (mistress?) bathroom until this morning. I’ve been using it to continue the exercises they taught me in rehab. Truth be told, however, all I really need is a doorjamb to hold while doing them. There’s just something about not parting with those symbols.
I think it’s really a declaration of independence. Maybe today I’ll dig in more deeply to the writing I’ve been planning to transfer from my head to my laptop. One thing I want to finish up is the story of what I experienced and learned as an accident victim/causer. My plan is to present it here in short segments – so it won’t be so boring. And maybe I won’t need that long restorative nap every day.
Funny how the things I was so anxious to leave behind apparently became the last rails to hang on to before dropping back to normalcy — a new normal.
monagustafsonaffinito 
Hey Mona! So nice to hear from you, and that you have improved so much! I look forward to anything that write!
Anything that YOU write that is!
Thanks for the kind message. I expect to get on it …
How do you get in to mood to write? Look at old family photos?
Yes, Lorraine, old family photos do help. And I have lots of interesting research data about the early years of my father’s presence in the States. But what would help even more would be to get past this business of proving Murphy’s law which I’ve been doing since the beginning of the year. Every day I wonder what it will be this time, from flat tires to computer issues. The other day I was working with a techie on a word issue with my cell phone while waiting for my land phone to get through the 30 minute wait for the Quicken person. And right now I’m on that 30-minute wait again, doing things like this in the meantime. Muti-tasking like this is OK, but writing takes full attention. Maybe tomorrow?
“There’s just something about not parting with those symbols.”…and ..”Funny how the things I was so anxious to leave behind apparently became the last rails to hang on to before dropping back to normalcy — a new normal.” Sigh. what a wake up call to me. I still have crutches in the outhouse – in case my back “falls out” – the fear of not being able to get in contact with people if I get really sick is so strong – thanks for letting me truly hang out with those feelings now. And then, maybe letting those crutches go. OH what a symbol. THANK you Mona. And I am so happy to sense this old you being strong and straight and all here. I love you!
And I so love your response — and just plain hearing from you. Thanks.
It sounds like you never gave up until you knew how strong you have become. You are a true survivor. Congratulations and best wishes. Never give up is what you have said, loud and clear.
Wow! I like that interpretation. Thanks.
Yippee! It’s awesome to hear how much progress you have made. Sheila put it so well – You are a true survivor. Congratulations and best wishes.
Thanks, Sheryl. What a lovely, encouraging comment.