HOW DO I FEEL ABOUT “MY LAST BOOK?”
Someone asked me this really interesting question today: “I’m curious about something. Now that you’re preparing what you describe as your “probably last” book, how does that feel emotionally? Is there a sense of closure, or has the process surprised you in ways you didn’t expect?”
What a perfect way to make my way back onto the blog horse. I realized as soon as I read her question that I’ve been formulating an answer even though I haven’t been asking the question the same way. So, here goes — briefly if I can hold myself to that boundary. Many years ago my father gave me a really meaninglul concept when he claimed to be “on his way out.” (though he was in no hurry to leave.) In fact, that was the original title of what became How Could These Lovely People Let It Happen? Not a picture of an ending, but of the beginning of a new phase. I actually sometimes picture a door leading without interruption to whatever comes next. (That includes the possibility of a nice, long eternal restful sleep.) And there’s no question that I’m almost reaching for the handle if I use this world’s method of counting.
But somehow fear, or even anticipation, is gone –just the feeling that I’ve done quite a lot during my visit here and maybe even more will ease itself into my progress. No rush. No demand. Just wait and see.
As one might expect, though, dawdling on the way out is not without stress. My brain must be loaded with mirror neurons because my empathy for all the suffering endured by others during their time here seems to me nearly as intolerable as the back spasms I’ve complained about.
So, a beginning, but not very poetic, answer to her question. Yes, closure of a sort, I guess, but not an ending, There’s more ahead. I might even be around this world long enough to see a lot more subtle and obvious change. (When I started the latest book. I don’t think I had ever even heard of AI, so who knows what comes next in this great adventure?) Closure?
Sort of like finally graduating from grammar school, but a little like our high school motto, “What we are to be we are now becoming.”
My answer is messy, sort of like this life. One thing I do, know, I’m not as OCD as I used to be.
And I will re-read this a couple more times before going public with it.
monagustafsonaffinito 