Last evening I finally got my DVD working and watched a program on Forgiveness. Unfortunately I was alone at home, so there was no one with whom to share my distress. So now you are it.

The problem with the topic of forgiveness is that people are talking about all kinds of things. Not just apples and oranges, but throw in some carrots and tomatoes too

So, here are some things that distressed me. One person thought that forgiving meant not getting angry. WRONG. Anger is the first step – well, maybe the second – in a long tough process of deciding whether to forgive, and if so, how.

Another person thought forgiving meant saying what the other person did was all right. WRONG. If you think the other person did nothing wrong, then there’s nothing to forgive. No, forgiveness happens, if you choose it, because the offender did something wrong.

Some seemed to think that forgiving means the lawbreaker will pay no price for the crime. WRONG. You are not the legal system, though these days you certainly do have an opportunity to influence it. You can forgive, relieving yourself of the negative effects of un-utilized anger, without preventing appropriate legal penalties.

And that brings me back to anger. What a gift! What a motivator! The issue is not to avoid or deny anger, but to harness it.

Some thought they couldn’t forgive unless the offender requested it and showed sufficient remorse. That may be the truth for some people, but it has its negative effects. Mainly the loss of power. As long as you are waiting for the person who hurt you in the first place to take action, you are powerless, stuck with your anger and pain.

One more thing I noticed. A couple of people said murder was unforgiveable because the person who was hurt is dead and therefore can’t act. But the truth is, the murder of one person has a wide-ranging effect on loved ones, fellow workers, the larger community. The killer has hurt each of those people. Each one has the right to forgive – or not.

There’s more, but I’ll stop here. My point is that the decision whether to forgive – and how – is a long, complicated personal process. And yes, I did say “whether” to forgive. That’s the point.

And as I see people wrestling with these problems, I can’t help wanting to make sure they are aware of my two books on forgiving. The point in both of them is to help readers make their own decisions. No speeches, just guidance through the options and considering the outcome of one’s choices.

I’ve got to find out how to put a PayPal button on my blog. In the meantime, Please reduce my stress and yours by checking out When to Forgive and Forgiving One Page at a Time

By the way, if you decide to buy “Forgiving One Page at a Time,” don’t choose the kindle edition. I tried to stop the publisher from turning it into a kindle book. It won’t work, because it really is fashioned as a diary with some points and questions on the left hand page and a place for your own entries on the right.

One last thing. If you have an opinion about either of the books, please do share it in the comment section.



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  1. Do buy Mona’s books if you already haven’t. very practical and non-preachy. Non preachy is vital:)

  2. Great post on forgiveness Mona. When you learn how to place the Pay Pal button on your blog, please inform me also. I have wondered myself

    • I’m in the process, Terry. Got all the way through creating the button with PayPal and then discovered I can’t use it as is on the blog. I’ve got to go through a different process to get what’s right for WordPress. Looking at the directions I see they are contrary to the help I got working on the darn thing all morning. So, I’ll have to start over with Pay Pal and go from there. I will keep you posted. Right now I’ve got to take a break.

  3. I appreciated these reminders and, thanks to your generosity, I have both. But you will never come up with a better title than “A Healthy Woman is a Crazy Person”. Still comes to mind with a chuckle now and again and I loved the responses to the bumper sticker.

    • I like “A Healthy Woman is a Crazy Person” too. Sometimes I think of making it into a book or booklet. Other times I think it’s old fashioned. Then I read the current news and realize that, unfortunately, it isn’t out of date after all. Thanks for remembering and reminding.

  4. Forgiveness is the gift we give ourselves. It takes a lot for people to understand that.

  5. I think I have finally forgiven myself for staying with Michael.  I can be in the same room with him and not feel anger, just nothing.  And it feels good.
  6. Forgiveness doesn’t mean you have to keep that person in your life, just that you value your own life. Blessings

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