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“I know it’s hard on a woman,” my acquaintance/friend said, “but I’m thinking of the baby who needs a chance to live.” “Funny thing,” I’m thinking. “Caring for the life of the potential baby/ child/ person is one of the most significant reasons from my point of view for leaving abortion decisions to the people and situation directly involved.” Forcing a child to be born into a situation of being unwanted is nothing short of child abuse that in the long term affects not only that particular individual, but the culture and government that will potentially be dealing with the consequences.
As my sister, the mother of two adopted boys, once said. “A baby is not a Lifesaver” and I would add that a woman’s womb is not just a warm, cuddly container. Okay, forget for the moment about the potential damage to the body that harbors the womb. Forget that part of the process is change to the immune system that prevents the expulsion of the zygote, embryo, fetus, with the potential for long-term effects on the mother’s health. Just focus on the damage to the well-being of the potential person being bathed in the stress hormones circulating via the mother’s blood stream and transmitted by the connecting placenta.
Or maybe the potential mother is sufficiently healthy and well supported that she manages to carry off a relatively stress-free pregnancy. Then the baby has lived for approximately nine months in a comfortable environment from which it is shockingly expelled at birth. Now here’s where we see a lovely diaper ad in which the baby is placed gently on the mother’s breast and, at the best, gazes lovingly into her eyes, drawing on the new source of comfort and support. But this is a baby who started out unwanted. For whatever reason it can’t remain there. Torn, or even gently removed, from that cozy place, it begins life in a condition of grief. And no, that baby is not unfeeling – that body memory will stay with him or her, maybe to be recalled years later in a deep therapy session but always, consciously remembered or not, to be a source of pain. No, a baby is not just a piece of candy to be passed around, no matter how caring adoptive caretakers may be. Have you noticed all the stories lately of adults seeking to learn more about their birth parents, longing for contact with that initial nine-month home?
“But unwanted babies can always be adopted” my acquaintance/friend claims. Really? Show me the evidence. But if that is the case, then the people who would force the birth of an unwanted child should be supporting massive research into the understanding and support of adoptive situations. Especially the adoption of babies with major, or even minor, birth anomalies calling for special care – often expensive. Or racially complex situations. Yes, I have read news stories of exceptionally loving and giving foster care or adoptive parents who have successfully pored love into the development of several children. They are in the news because, like all news, it is exceptional – out of the ordinary. As my sister said, “babies are not just Lifesavers.” Logic, even morality, would require that those who would ban abortion should be ready to support equally strict governmental legal and financial support to all involved.
I sometimes think that those who oppose abortion have in mind the vision of an attractive young woman in her early twenties who engaged in unprotected sex and now doesn’t feel up to devoting a life to the care of her love baby. Of course, I find myself confused when I say this because, as I understand it, those who fight to ban abortion would also ban contraception. Be that as it may, there are many reasons why people seek abortion. How about rape? Or family rape called “incest?” Not too nice for the child born with the genes of a rapist. Or youth — a young body not quite ready physiologically to sustain a pregnancy and birth and certainly without the wherewithal to commit to a lifetime of support? Or body anomalies that lead to a life of suffering? Or a family’s loss of a mother who dies in pregnancy or childbirth. Yes, that does happen. There are so many other reasons that a seasoned medical person could describe.
But at bottom lies poverty. It’s not the wealthy who will, in general, suffer under abortion bans. As my former husband used to say, “Money can buy anything.” And certainly it can buy an abortion. The fact is, those who suffer under abortion bans – in addition to medical practitioners who are not free to put care of their patients first – are those living in poverty.
Well now we’ve hit on the ways in which government could be helping to avoid the damage of abortion bans. If caring for the child is really at the root of such laws, then there will be active campaigning for that same government to support paid maternal medical care for all, extended parental leave, and family support to guarantee all families adequate healthy housing and provision of food. Plus full and expert mental health care for adults suffering the effects of being unwanted for one reason or another.
Exploring the issues related to abortion bans is not easy – much too complicated to be solved by decree. But there is one thing clear. Those who will suffer are babies born into a world that doesn’t want them. So back to my acquaintance/friend who feels sorry for the mothers but cares about the child. Are you willing to think again?
I wish I had in my head all the data and potential interpretations that Jean Twenge has. If I were still teaching the psychology of women, or developmental psychology, or personality and social psychology, I’d be eager to spend the money to keep this on my bookshelf. As it is, I’ve been working with a borrowed copy which means I’ve been doing something I haven’t felt the need to do since I retired from professoring – taking notes!
What a journey through the history of America’s social changes, some of which were surprising and interesting news to me. Just for example, a quote I noted from page 500. “In 2017, Harvard held a separate graduation ceremony for black graduate students” and “apparently the Harvard event is not an outlier. According to one survey, 72% of universities offered racially segregated graduation ceremonies by 2019, often prompted by students who requested a place they could celebrate with their own racial group. In addition, 46% of universities offered de facto segregated housing.” Wow! What I would give for a class discussion on the implications of that factoid. Or how about the “slow life strategy” (p.513) which has grown with each generation, delaying traditional milestones at every stage of the life cycle.” What a great topic for discussion by a bunch of grandparents and great grandparents who’ve been watching it with shaking heads.
Or how about this (p.456): “Barring economic disaster, American Polars (2013-2029) may grow up the most economically advantaged generation of children in several decades.”
And so much more! I won’t burden you with all my notes. I do hope this whets your appetite to beg, borrow, or buy a copy. (No doubt the publisher and author would prefer the latter option.)
There are so many things I want to blog about and all so complex and hard to do because I don’t like wordy blogs. But it is easy to copy my book reviews, so here goes. (Before I get back to work writing my next book, tentatively titled “On My Way Out.”)
Lessons in life lightly presented.
A friend loaned me this book sure that I’d enjoy it – for maybe three reasons, I think: 1. I have enjoyed a cruise to the Antarctic; 2. I’m even older than Veronica; and 3. I’m a psychologist to the marrow of my bones. But a fourth reason appears on p. 287, quoted in part; “Half of all living species gone. I’d thought that I, Veronica McCreedy, could make a difference, but I’ve begun to realize it will take more than one old woman and her legacy of a few million pounds to save the Adelies and their environment” and a few paragraphs later, “I wonder if the situation is not irremediable? In the wartime, everyone made sacrifices for the common good. It could be done again if only enough people cared sufficiently.” No, this novel is by no means a heavy tome –- quite fun and a good read actually. But sometimes lightness is the best way to transmit a message.
And that’s what this novel was. What I hate about a good novel is that it’s hard to put down for the sake of other activities, or even sleep. As for character development, I thought as I was reading it that the story was fun and conveyed the process in very effective ways, but it wasn’t until the end that I really “felt” the characters and realized that was exactly the way it had to be. The very discovery of themselves was a major theme.
I’m grateful to my friend for a good, gripping, even fun, read.
Another book read! I’ve discovered two ideal times for me to read a book: first thing in the morning and the middle of the night. Plus sometimes in between doing other stuff when my eyelids are not so heavy. So here’s my latest review.
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I loved this novel. I love Backman’s writing. I love his humor – not the laughing out loud kind, but the every-other-sentence kind that tickles my glee button. I love his knowledge of human nature – superior to Shakespeare’s I’d say, and oh so contemporary. I love his wisdom. How clever to use “almost eight-years-old” Elsa as the precocious observer and processor of that wisdom. Just the age when fairy tale knowledge morphs from magic wonder into adult reality with all it’s fullness and pain. From parenting to war to love of self and others, from fear to hate. The reader lives it all in this gripping adventure story. I try to imagine his process in discovering the characters and mapping out their interactions. However he did it, this is a truly special creation that I will hand on to friends and look forward to discussing in our book group, especially with the help of questions provided at the end.
Having studied so many sources with our group’s exploration of the history and contemporary avoidance and betrayal of racial justice in the history of our United States, this excellent book has much to add. Unlike some reviewers who didn’t like the author’s often poetic style, I found that to be a major draw. It is one thing to allow oneself to be exposed to the truth and quite another to be inspired to compassion instead of reaching into the myriad forms of denial that protect oneself from responsibility. His style did inspire to compassion as he reported the truth with honesty and feeling without a sign of preaching. I liked especially that the author’s beautifully presented straightforwardness did much to avoid encouraging inappropriate guilt that gets in the way of real understanding.
And the book does reveal space for change. I was especially impressed with the alternative tours of Jefferson’s home. Several years ago when I visited there was only one available tour. We were exposed to the fact of Sally Hemmings and her family as well as the burial area where the Hemmings descendents were seeking permission to be included. We even had a brief look at where the slave cabins would have been. We also learned of Jefferson’s purchasing of goods from Europe at a time when they were being boycotted. Certainly an indication that our founding father was not a beacon of perfection. (A man, after all. Not a god delivering messages from heaven.) But the author was on a tour that focused on Jefferson’s intimate connection with slavery. The very fact that tour was offered is a mark of progress, of opening up to truth, as were many of his stops.
The author took us as well to other sites where the truth was being emphasized. I liked his attitude; I liked his choice of places to visit. I liked his mode of presentation. I suspect that many who chose to read it came away not only with deeper knowledge, but also with more emotional commitment.
By definition, banning abortion is condemning a potential person to a life of being unwanted. The reasons are as varied as the individual situation. Poverty, genetic predispositions, lack of a nurturing growth environment post birth, a poor uterine environment for any number of reasons, or other reasons why the birth mother (and/or the father) isn’t able to raise the infant to adulthood. I’m sorry to say this, but if there were really concern for a good life, there’d be all kinds of movement going on now from the “pro-lifers” to make childhood care available to everyone, to provide sufficient financial guarantees to carry that person through a healthy lifetime of need for nurturance, housing, health care, education, attention through thick and thin. Instead there are efforts to cut back on aid programs. Those who push for government control of birthing seem to be the same ones who argue for removal of aid. What is the real motive?
I had an interesting brief discussion recently with a person claiming a “pro-life” position. I understood him to say something like, “Yes, I understand it can be hard for the mother, but I’m more concerned for the child.” The funny thing is, that’s my main concern too – care for the child. What kind of life will that unwanted child have? I know, you’re going to tell me there’s always adoption. No, there isn’t always adoption. How many potentially adoptive parents are willing to take on a lifetime of caring for a badly limited infant who will require care for a lifetime? How many understand that the baby is not a blank slate? The newborn has not been removed from an empty box . There has been a nine-month relationship with a primary caretaker. Do you think it’s just nothing to be removed from that place without lifelong grief? Or maybe even that first uterine “home” wasn’t so great to begin with for reasons of maternal health, or even the stress of the situation. Or maybe the grief is even stronger because the birth mother has provided a loving relationship even more stressful to leave. A baby brings along a whole slew of characteristics that may or may not fit well with a secondary environment – a foster or adoptive home — no matter how loving, even if there were enough available.
I’ve just hit the tip of the iceberg here. Whole libraries have been written to help understand human development. What will be the effect of this “pro-life” movement ten, twenty, thirty, etc. years from now on our national need for health care, control of violence, creativity … ?
It’s a bit ironic, isn’t it, that the Chinese who enforced the one-child edict are now in need of more people. Where will we be as a result of our similarly communist-like control of birthing?
I do believe that most pro-life folks feel theirs is the loving position. I also believe they have all the right they need to preach pro-life as a choice, including the pro-loving moral obligation to back it up with real support, beyond just supplying a layette. The opposite of “pro-llife” is not “abortion.” The opposite of “pro life” is freedom of choice, religion, moral belief, and understanding of the personal situation.
Recently I posted the following review on Goodreads and amazon.com. I can’t believe I’ve been so busy that I didn’t post it here until today, but that’s the fact. Among other things I’m working on my next — I hope — book with the working title On My Way Out. (If you’re up to critiquing the first 30 or so pages, you know where to find me.)
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I listened to The Spider Network (sort of) when I was recovering from a corneal transplant operation which required me to spend 45 minutes out of every hour lying in my back (to help the donor cornea adhere) for three days. I’m not sure how Enrich’s book even made it to my Kindle collection but it was probably the ideal choice for the situation since I was well primed to nod off. And nod off I did. Too much detail, I think. (As I said, I was nodding.) I admit I didn’t understand how the whole scheme worked (and didn’t really care) though I did understand how the central figure could have been suckered into the process itself, given his position on the autism spectrum. But what I did get was another revelation of my own naivete. I was horrified and disgusted by the culture of greed that was revealed. Maybe if I live another bunch of years I’ll become more inured to it. I remember when I thought banks made money by supporting industries and other investment activities. I guess I wasn’t really surprised at the end when a whole bunch of the perpetrators managed to sell themselves to the jury as a bunch of nice businessmen taken in by one bad guy and then went off to celebrate in a drunken orgy while the person at the center of it all served a jail sentence and the people who suffered most were his wife and child. And I was pretty much awake and paying attention at that point. It’s not a book I would choose again, nor do I have any friends or acquaintances to whom I’d recommend it. But the contents themselves are impressive in the depth of coverage as is the author. I guess I’m just not well suited to being a bottom feeder.
I Just found this article by Scott Olster, Editor at Large at Linked In.
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/what-would-take-end-poverty-america-scott-olster
Here’s just one paragraph that says it all, I think.
“This is such a wealthy nation. There’s a study published recently that showed that if the top 1% of income earners just pay the taxes they owed, we could raise an additional $175 billion a year. That’s just about enough to lift everyone out of poverty. So we have the resources.”
See my previous blog on the simple solution to the Social Security problem. Why doesn’t it happen? Obviously there are complex social and moral issues behind the stalemate. Maybe greed? I hope soon to be reviewing David Enrich’s The Spider Network.
https://www.amazon.com/s?k=The+Spider+Network&i=stripbooks&crid=2A3PBVA6WXVPU&sprefix=the+spider+network%2Cstripbooks%2C96&ref=nb_sb_noss_2
Why is the fairest, simplest, and most direct solution to funding social security not proposed? Why is not everyone paying in at the same rate? Why are the very wealthy given special license not to pay?
Try googling this question: “When Do the Rich Stop Paying into Social Security in 2023?”
I just posted the following review on amazon.com and Goodreads.
25 Meters to God by Tad M. Weiss
A truly emotional and inspiring book. It’s rare to find a story being told even as it occurs, but this is what happens here because it includes “Maggie’s Caring Bridge” entries written as the events were unfolding. It is a beautiful, ultimately joyful story as we are carried through the horror of Maggie’s original accident to the amazing victory of her recovery. I was brought to tears by the support of the community of friends and believers who set their alarms for times in the middle of the night to pray so Maggie’s parents could get refreshing sleep. I was impressed by the breadth of that community with their ability and willingness to provide material bounties as well as friendly personal aide and devotion. Besides, as a practicing psychologist I was delighted to see Tad’s own growth progress as the family made their way through the ordeal. The charm is that he was so honest about it. My prayer would be that every wounded child could have the full parental and financial attention and support Wendy and Tad were able to give to Maggie. And I do recommend that you allow yourself the depths to which this book will carry you.
monagustafsonaffinito 