I just broke a couple of my own rules, and here’s the lesson to be learned. It’s important to have a confidential consultant – either a paid counselor or someone in a professional position that requires confidentiality. I’m talking about a place where you can talk about something that you should be working through only with a person who is sworn to keep your issue confidential.
Two important rules (out of many) – two places (out of many) to be careful.
Mona’s broken rules.
AVOID TRIANGLES. My own thinking convinced me I wasn’t getting caught in a triangle. Primarily my reason was that the issue involved me directly because of my own pain. But a good counselor would have pointed out to me that I was still creating a triangle.
TAKE APPROPRIATE ACTION AFTER CONSIDERING ALL FACTORS: I should have spent time with a counselor who would have helped me do a better job of considering all factors and pointed out to me where my action(s) were inappropriate.
CONSIDER THIS A COMMERCIAL. But you don’t need to have a paid counselor, as long as the person is professionally committed to confidentiality. Don’t trust or burden a family member or friend with this job. It’s not fair to them – or even safe – to ask that a secret be kept.
monagustafsonaffinito 
I love the clarity and common sense in this. Thank you
You are so wonderful, Leelah. Thanks for paying attention and commenting. (by the way, what’s the time there? Do you ever sleep?)
This is really good advice. Even though I can sense that you have been dealing with a difficult situation, I really like how you are able to step back from it and think about lessons learned, and then share what you’ve learned with others.
Thanks you so much. You give me courage to keep going.